Another new beginning

Today is my first day at Philam Life as a Senior Project Manager for the Strategic Initiatives Office. Unlike my experiences in the past, this time around I find myself going for a slow start - slow but very much welcoming as I am enjoying this pleasant break from the hustle and bustle world of BPO.

I now find myself going to work at 6:30 in the morning, right around the time when my kids wake up from their deep slumber. Right before the sun rises, I made sure that breakfast was already cooking and any dishes washed the previous night all dried and stowed away in their respective cupboards and shelves.

A few minutes later while I cooke up breakfast, my wife comes down to join me in the kitchen. Even during the first few minutes of her day, she's still very much lovely, beautiful and sexy with her hair flowing down her shoulders. And yes, even those sleepy eyes are sexy to my liking . Although sleepy as I was, I was still very much excited to get to work this morning and see what was in-store for me. That excitement, however, was temporarily quenched by a familiar morning site - one that I haven't seen for the past 3 years: the early morning rush! Throngs of people joined me on the street trying to catch a shuttle ride to our offices. Without any semblance of an organized line, I found myself walking slowly farther away from the usual stop until I finally catch a ride - 20-minutes later.

After what seemed forever, I finally arrived at the office still fresh and sleepy at the same time. My new co-workers Alvin, Joel, Gary, Jackie and Sir Allan (my boss) welcomed me quite warmly and went out of their way to make me feel at home.

Its 30-minutes from quitting time and the day just seemed to go forever so slowly. I have not accomplished much, except for reading a couple of process documents and storing them on my office laptop making sure everything is properly labelled and organized.

Before I called it a day, I took a few minutes to visit our Father by the Philam Life chapel in the middle of the building. I remembered to thank Him for watching over me and my family; for helping us get by despite our slim financial capabilities. Amy and I are still thankful for we are still much more blessed than most people. I pray that He take me home safely to my three girls whom I missed so much today. I can't wait to hear their stories and for me to tell them a few of mine of what happened today. And what do you know? I can access Blogger.com from here :)

All in a day's work of being a father trying his best to be a good provider, a better father and the best husband a wife should have even though at times I fail, I always remind myself to get back up because I have more to live for and to be thankful for than I ever have thought.

See you in a few minutes my Honey and my two little sweethearts!

Sin of Envy

Other than the sin of gluttony, I guess the other sin that I'm guilty of would be the sin of envy.

Samantha has started going back to school, and this time she goes every week day as opposed to an MWF schedule last school year. This time, she starts with the Nursery class - her 1st official year in kindergarten. She's been eager to go back to school and play with her teachers and classmates.

And now that I've started taking her to school again every morning, I would now always see that beautiful house a few yards from the school, a house where one of Sam's classmates live. And I would always wonder how his parents could afford to have something built to their expectations. More importantly, I would always wonder if I can ever provide my wife and kids the same luxuries I keep seeing in that home. They have three brand new cars, a big lot with a big house - even the mother seems so happy and relaxed.

Yes, I have sinned and continue to sin for being envious of this. But perhaps envy isn't as bad as the bible says. If you channel envy properly, you can use it as a source of inspiration - a tool for you to reach your own goals.

I am about to close a big chapter in my professional life. In a few days, I will officially leave the industry that I have worked and built a career on for the past 10 years. I am about to embark at an opportunity that will, hopefully, get me to my goals.

Daddy moment

After a light lunch and a quick conference call at home, I gave my kids a shower, helped them brush their teeth and dressed them up. I prepared their milk and switched-on the air conditioner in preparation for their nap.

Samantha has her own way of being sweet to her Daddy. She bade me 'Good Night', gave me a kiss and finished her milk. Less than 5-minutes later, she was snoring like me!

Sophia, as charming as she is, took my hand and made it gently pat her bottom. I have the habit of patting my kids' bottoms til they fall asleep. Samantha grew out of it quickly before she turned 1, but Sophia couldn't go to sleep without it. Around 8 minutes later, she fell asleep a well.

These are the moments that I will cherish. The movie "A Walk to Remember" was playing while I was putting my girls to sleep, and exactly at that moment when Mandy Moore's character was on the hospital bed while talking to her daddy. Dying of cancer, she told her dad that she loves him.

What a simple yet cherishable daddy moment for me.

Its not easy being a parent nowadays. With the cost of just about every basic commodity going up in light of an unhealthy economy, the term "making ends meet" is becoming a well worn-out cliche.

Waking-up early in the morning before dawn to prepare the house for yet another challenging day, then shuttling off after lunch for a 1.5-hour, 60-km commute to work to the salt mines - all while thinking about how to stretch the budget decently - all these and more in the day of a life of modern young father such as myself (did I say young?!).

But one has to wonder, if I think my load is heavy, what about my wife who stays at home practically 24x7, taking care of the kids and the house all on her own, a year after giving birth to Sophia? Just thinking about it makes me remember the addage: "The mind is willing, but the body is not."

I find myself complaining too much about how heavy my load is, but I don't give enough credit to what Amy goes through on a daily basis. I don't even think that I thank her enough or even appreciate the effort that she's been pulling around to help keep things going for our young and small family. Just how selfish and self-centered am I? Proud of it, I am not.

Words aren't enough to show just how important Amy is to me nor would actions be enough to show her gratitude and appreciation. It takes a lifetime - sometimes even more - just to prove and show that you love and appreciate having a wife whose just so gosh darn supportive, even in the middle of hurdles and obstacles.

With Valentine's day just around the corner, and without a strap of cash to bring her out on a decent date, I find myself in a heavy bind. But do I still have a plan in mind? Of course I do. Do I think that showing her an extra ounce of love, attention and understanding that day would me extra "pogi points" with my wife? Well not right away, but its a start - right? Its something you should do as a husband on a daily basis. We men gots ta earn our women's love and respect, y'all!

But what the heck is my point anyway? I haven't blogged for some time now and here I am just typing away my thoughts. My mind is so full of interesting problems trying to balance each other out that I just need to unload it through writing. But most importantly, my mind keeps focusing back on what matters to me the most - my wife, my partner, and believe-it-or-not my knight in shining armor! And I would like nothing more than to pamper her, to cook for her, massage her and even bathe her , to cuddle up with her at the end of the day. For nothing gives me great pleasure than to make my wife happy at the end of each day, even though at times my immature self gets in the way - God bless her soul for putting up with me all these years.

I love you Amy Antonio Tabunar!

not feeling too big

This BIG Dadddy isn't feeling too big right now.

Despite my decision to move to the CRM tower for a more promising career, I'm entirely proud of that decision at all. With my transfer comes a great sacrifice - a sacrifice that now affects my family's daily basic needs.

My exit from my previous division meant placing my November pay on-hold, including my 13th month pay. I am facing more than a month without pay coming into my hands. With a herd of bills unpaid and dozens more lining-up, I'm faced with a Herculian task of keeping things afloat for my family.

What's worse is that Sophia's 1st birthday is coming-up as well as my wife's birthday. I couldn't even afford to throw them a decent party at home.

I feel guilty ... stressed ... depressed ...

Right now, with the remaining money and credit that I have left, I will need to prioritize my family's basic needs.

I know that we're better off than most ... but right now, I'm just not feeling that. I know that we are more blessed than most ... but right now, I'm having a difficult time accepting it.

This BIG Daddy is feeling quite small right now.

Wow, man! Heavy!

Sophia was feeling exceptionally uneasy this afternoon so I took her outside for some fresh air. The cool air and change in scenery did well to calm her down. As we were enjoying the cool afternoon breeze right in front of our home, our neighbor came out of one of his three houses with his daughter, got into one of his six cars and drove off with the rest of his family... envious? Sadly, admittedly ... a bit ...

My wife and I own our own home but we are without a car nor do we have any savings. We have a tremendous amount of debt and we are behind our bills. Unfortunate? Not at all. I consider us more blessed compared to most. However, I do dream of living the days when I had a decent car to take my family around any time I want, zero debts and a healthy savings in the bank.

Here I go again ranting about finances ... but I can't help it. I yearn to provide well for my family; give them a decent living. But now I'm afraid that we all need to make sacrifices and await patiently for the right opportunity to present itself.

Think positive, Rafael. Even when the odds are against you - pray, love and eat!

Thank You - two magic words

Open sesame and Abra Kadabra won't be able to match these two simple words ... I'm talking about the two most under rated words that can put a glowing smile and shower a warm feeling on anyone. I'm talking about the words THANK YOU. And with the US Thanksgiving just around the corner, I thought I'd take this time to utter a few words of thanks myself.

Thank you for the wonderful lunches, dinners, breakfasts and snacks that you ever so lovingly prepare for me each and every day. You know exactly how to tickle my taste buds.

Thank you for always keeping our home clean, not just for me but for the kids as well. A clean home is a happy home. And apparently, what we recently appreciated is that a clean house is always nice to come home to after a long day's work.

Thank you for giving me the two most adorable, most loving and most charming baby girls any father would ever want. They are more than what I've prayed and hope for, and I shall honor and love them my whole life.

Thank you for supporting me, for keeping me straight and true in my work. I never imagined being able to climb up the corporate ladder successfully so soon and so fast. My above average to excellent markings in work are a simple testament to the value you bring into my life; for the inspiration and confidence that you provide me.

Thank you for continuously teaching me how to become a better father. No one comes into fatherhood as prepared as they would want, but with your guidance, your counseling and your patience, I know that I am becoming the father that Samantha and Sophia deserve.

Thank you for teaching me the value of blessings. He truly provides us only with what we need, and sometimes even what we want - in His own time. We are not on better times in terms of our finances ... but we are better off than most. Thank you for helping me realize that fact every day.

Thank you for being patient with me. It was never easy having a boyfriend like me, and even more difficult is having me as your husband. You are a solid rock amidst the raging tides and I'm sad to say that I do you no justice. I do not give you enough credit nor do I give you enough of my time and love. I'm sorry for my short comings, Honey. And I thank you still for being there for me and with me despite of these things. You deserve more and I will continue to strive to give you more.

Thank you for loving me. No other person has loved me the way you do. I love you with all my heart and even though some times it doesn't show, believe me that it radiants from all around me. I fall short at times, I know. For this I am deeply sorry. But for all the chances and the patience you have been giving me, for those I am eternally grateful. I know that I am deeply loved, and I feel and appreciate it. Thank you for giving me your heart and for taking care of mine.

Thank you Honey. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I love you! I love you! I love you!