not feeling too big

This BIG Dadddy isn't feeling too big right now.

Despite my decision to move to the CRM tower for a more promising career, I'm entirely proud of that decision at all. With my transfer comes a great sacrifice - a sacrifice that now affects my family's daily basic needs.

My exit from my previous division meant placing my November pay on-hold, including my 13th month pay. I am facing more than a month without pay coming into my hands. With a herd of bills unpaid and dozens more lining-up, I'm faced with a Herculian task of keeping things afloat for my family.

What's worse is that Sophia's 1st birthday is coming-up as well as my wife's birthday. I couldn't even afford to throw them a decent party at home.

I feel guilty ... stressed ... depressed ...

Right now, with the remaining money and credit that I have left, I will need to prioritize my family's basic needs.

I know that we're better off than most ... but right now, I'm just not feeling that. I know that we are more blessed than most ... but right now, I'm having a difficult time accepting it.

This BIG Daddy is feeling quite small right now.

Wow, man! Heavy!

Sophia was feeling exceptionally uneasy this afternoon so I took her outside for some fresh air. The cool air and change in scenery did well to calm her down. As we were enjoying the cool afternoon breeze right in front of our home, our neighbor came out of one of his three houses with his daughter, got into one of his six cars and drove off with the rest of his family... envious? Sadly, admittedly ... a bit ...

My wife and I own our own home but we are without a car nor do we have any savings. We have a tremendous amount of debt and we are behind our bills. Unfortunate? Not at all. I consider us more blessed compared to most. However, I do dream of living the days when I had a decent car to take my family around any time I want, zero debts and a healthy savings in the bank.

Here I go again ranting about finances ... but I can't help it. I yearn to provide well for my family; give them a decent living. But now I'm afraid that we all need to make sacrifices and await patiently for the right opportunity to present itself.

Think positive, Rafael. Even when the odds are against you - pray, love and eat!

Thank You - two magic words

Open sesame and Abra Kadabra won't be able to match these two simple words ... I'm talking about the two most under rated words that can put a glowing smile and shower a warm feeling on anyone. I'm talking about the words THANK YOU. And with the US Thanksgiving just around the corner, I thought I'd take this time to utter a few words of thanks myself.

Thank you for the wonderful lunches, dinners, breakfasts and snacks that you ever so lovingly prepare for me each and every day. You know exactly how to tickle my taste buds.

Thank you for always keeping our home clean, not just for me but for the kids as well. A clean home is a happy home. And apparently, what we recently appreciated is that a clean house is always nice to come home to after a long day's work.

Thank you for giving me the two most adorable, most loving and most charming baby girls any father would ever want. They are more than what I've prayed and hope for, and I shall honor and love them my whole life.

Thank you for supporting me, for keeping me straight and true in my work. I never imagined being able to climb up the corporate ladder successfully so soon and so fast. My above average to excellent markings in work are a simple testament to the value you bring into my life; for the inspiration and confidence that you provide me.

Thank you for continuously teaching me how to become a better father. No one comes into fatherhood as prepared as they would want, but with your guidance, your counseling and your patience, I know that I am becoming the father that Samantha and Sophia deserve.

Thank you for teaching me the value of blessings. He truly provides us only with what we need, and sometimes even what we want - in His own time. We are not on better times in terms of our finances ... but we are better off than most. Thank you for helping me realize that fact every day.

Thank you for being patient with me. It was never easy having a boyfriend like me, and even more difficult is having me as your husband. You are a solid rock amidst the raging tides and I'm sad to say that I do you no justice. I do not give you enough credit nor do I give you enough of my time and love. I'm sorry for my short comings, Honey. And I thank you still for being there for me and with me despite of these things. You deserve more and I will continue to strive to give you more.

Thank you for loving me. No other person has loved me the way you do. I love you with all my heart and even though some times it doesn't show, believe me that it radiants from all around me. I fall short at times, I know. For this I am deeply sorry. But for all the chances and the patience you have been giving me, for those I am eternally grateful. I know that I am deeply loved, and I feel and appreciate it. Thank you for giving me your heart and for taking care of mine.

Thank you Honey. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I love you! I love you! I love you!

Baby steps, Daddy steps

Just this morning, my youngest Sophia (11-months old by Monday, 11/1) crawled from the living room to the dining room. Amy and I were having lunch when Sophia suddenly grabbed one of the legs of my chair, stood up, held my small finger and led me around the dining room and the living room.

...my heart folded and melted and and the rest of me followed!

Sophia could already stand-up and has started to take 1 or 2 steps. She's starting to get her balance but still needs a month more or two to be able to walk steadily. This, however, is something that I don't wish to come along quickly.

While she took me for that quick short stroll around the house, I was touched with the thought that Sophia yearns so much for my attention. Even at a tender young age, much like her Ate Samantha, Sophia absolutely loves it when I play with her - even some rough-housing every once in a while. My thoughts also flashed-forward 40 or 50 years from now when Sophia and Samantha will be the ones holding my hands, leading my old and feeble arse around malls, parks and the village.

The thought of my kids growing up so fast is both exciting and scary to me. Right now I'm enjoying their youth, their dependency on me. But before I know it, they'd be out in the world on their own. Their daddy will miss THESE good old days.

The "Terrible-Two" stage may be tiring and even scary, but I just know that it will be one of the stages in my life that I will miss so much. As Amy would frequently remind me, I should enjoy our daughters as much as I can and as young as they are because they will not be babies for long. She's right, of course, but deep in my heart, even though they will be babies only for this short period of time, they will always and forever be MY babies in MY eyes and in MY heart...

...and I thank HIM for these precious gifts.

"As son is a son till he makes him a wife; a daughter is a daughter all her life." --> Irish saying

"Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express." -->Joseph Addison

"Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla. " --> Jim Bishop, American journalist and author

You can still have it all ...

I came across this nice article at www.pep.ph late in the evening:

http://www.pep.ph/articles/23134/Daphne-Osena-Paez-lives-the-harmonious-life-she-talks-about-as-TV-lifestyle-host

It basically talked about Daphne Osena-Paez - how she came about having her career on TV and how she managed to balance her personal with her professional life.

I smiled at myself for choosing this article out of the blue because of three things:

#1 - The Uncanny Resemblance

Daphne Osena-Paez is the splitting image of my wife, Amy Antonio-Tabunar. Check out the picture from the link above and compare it to the picture of my lovely wife!

#2 - The Inspiring Story

I wasn't aware that Daphne was such a hands-on in both aspects of her life - at home and at work. With hard-work and perseverance, she was able to climb the ladder of success rung-by-rung but was willing to give it all up for motherhood. But despite her focus on her family, she was still able to pursue her dreams of having an active role in show business. With the love and support of her family, she is now able to live the life that she wants, but at the same time strive for continuous improvement in her craft.

#3 - Can you spell C-O-I-N-C-I-D-E-N-C-E?

My wife and I were having a similar discussion the other night. Amy was poised to climb the corporate ladder, but gave it all up for the sake of her two little angels. She misses the corporate world, but would not want to go back to it if it means spending much less time with the kids. This is both understandable and admirable of her, but I constantly remind her that we as a family are not blockades to her dreams. As a matter of fact, as a husband, I encourage her to pursue her dreams and the kids and myself will be with her every step of the way.

Samantha will be turning 3 years old in less than three months' time, while Sophia will be a year-old in a little more than a month. With a new year just around the corner, it is almost time to look back and take stock of what has transpired the previous year, and what to do for the new year.

Honey, follow your heart. Whether you choose to go back to the corporate world, go back to learning a new skill or open your own food business - the kids and I will always be here to support you. Every one in our families will have their own opinion about how we choose to live our lives, but the important thing is that we are all together in the decisions that we make and that we support each other. This is what I promise to you. For as long we do this for our success and His; for as long as we pray to God for thanks and support in our future endeavors, what ever other people will say will not matter. We SHALL succeed.

A couple of quotable quotes to remember:

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." --> Harriet Tubman

"Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal." --> Pamela Vaul Starr

"All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible." --> T.E. Lawrence

I love you Honey. Reach for the skies, reach for the stars ... for I will be here to help lift you high!

Busy, Rainy, Family day

Amy and I have formed this habit of checking our emails, profiles and some news bits before hitting-the-hay. Tonight though, I decided to browse through www.sulit.com.ph to scope out cars that are for sale - both brand new and second hand. As I was browsing, I asked my wife if she thinks that if we had a good chance of buying a car next year, even if it were just a second hand car. She said that it would depend on the status of our finances - in other words, if we have eliminated most of our debts.

...wake-up call!!!

Between paying the monthly debts to our loan in Pag-ibig, monthly payments for our insurance policies, educational plans, loans/debts with banks and family members - there's hardly anything left for our basic needs ... but I'm proud to say that despite the financial set backs that we've been having, the four of us still manage to have fun and enjoy the simplest things in life.

A Halloween party at Samantha's school provided us another view of our daughter's imaginative and playful side among her teachers, classmates and other parents. And as expected, she was just as cheerful, funny and active as she can be. She may be hyper active, but at least she's a happy, healthy and uber sweet angel .... and she's MINE!!! ... well, until her mother says so

Attending a seminar at a hotel in Makati which culminated in an awarding ceremony where Amy was among the top 10 mothers as seen and judged by some local parenting and children's brands. She may not have won the top prize as we all had hoped, but at least she got the chance to meet other moms and make some new friends in the process. Plus, the Php 10k prize in GCs was boost in the ego (and the finances) as well

Treating the kids, as well as their yayas, out to lunch at a local pizza parlor proved to be a great bonding activity for the 6 of us. Pizza, pasta, chicken and taters ... how can you go wrong with that?!

Life may have been throwing us a lot of curve balls, but at least we do get to catch a break from time-to-time. Despite the absence and inability to own luxuries and convenience, at the end of the day, we look at what really matters the most and appreciate what we have. We may not see or realize it always, but from time-to-time we NEED TO REMEMBER that we are better off than most people... and for this, Amy and I thank HIM for the blessings that has been coming along our way, even if some times we tend to over look them. We thank HIM, always.

LIFE, LOVE, LORD ... the 3 Ls to fruitful living.

Return, Recharge, Re-educate

Yesterday had to be one of my stressful days for this month. Just when I thought I had everything planned out well, *Murphy comes creeping along the hallways of IBM. I had no choice but to re-schedule and re-think my strategy thus requiring me to adjust my work schedule a little bit more uncomfortably. Oh well, that's life, right? Not everything will go your way all the time.

While my mind was swimming in the Sea of Stress, my heart was was seeking ways to de-stress and one yearning came to mind: FOOD!!! (go figure!)

I Googled away on my laptop searching for culinary arts schools around the metro, hoping to find schools that offer short courses on culinary arts. I thought that it would be great for Amy and I to take these short courses both as a bonding activity and as an opportunity to further enhance our skills in the kitchen. We both love to cook and we certainly both love to eat, so this activity/mission/endeavor is perfect for us.

A good number of websites caught my attention. Check these out:

Center for Culinary Arts: www.cca-manila.com

Chef Logro's Institute of Culinary and Kitchen Arts: http://www.cheflogro.com/

Click's Culinary Learning Institute: http://www.clicksgma.com/

The Maya Kitchen: http://www.themayakitchen.com/index.php

I've sent emails to a few inquiring about their short courses and tuition fees. We'll see how it goes. I'm keen on taking some classes with my wife. Perhaps later this year or will be part of our new year's resolution for 2011 ;-)

* Murphy's Law - when you think something will go wrong, it will most certainly will happen.